Woes of a weary dieter

On June 25th, I started another attempt to lose weight and get healthy. As usual, I began with loads of enthusiasm and energy only to find myself a few days later depressed and angry. Weight and healthy well-being have been a life long struggle for me. For some reason, my body and mind cannot be at peace with one another. I have attempted multiple times with different approaches and have almost been successful a few. But ultimately, every single effort ends in failure. I want this time to be different. I want to successfully shed the pounds that threaten me with diabetes and heart disease. But at the same time, I also want to be at peace with where I am right now. I do not want food or exercise to rule my life like it has in the last 2 weeks. Is there a happy medium??? I have made myself miserable by reading food labels like legal documents and exercising to the point of vomiting on several occasions. I am afraid that I have reached a point that my ideas of attaining health have become very unhealthy and maybe even a bit unrealistic.

I feel so selfish and superficial to even get all worked up about such a matter. I mean, seriously, I have so much to be so very thankful for. I am Blessed beyond measure, and instead of living victoriously, I attach a heavy ball and chain to my ankles and whine about being fluffy. But it is my health I'm talking about and here is where it gets tricky for me. I am afraid that if I accept that it is ok to be just like I am today then I am giving up on the hope that I could be better tomorrow. Does that make any sense at all? I get trapped in this conception that I either gotta embrace my fluffiness and be happy, or bust my rear into high gear and lose massive weight NOW!!! At this point I am blinded and I don't see a way that I can have the best of both worlds despite what Hannah Montana may say.